-Pretend as if you’re affected.
-Never ever start a fight.
These sentences are the last sentences listed in Reminders that I wrote a while ago in my To do list for today. Eventhough it’s 06:04 am already, the period where sleep would visit me. Except for this time my sadness chased it away. Yeah, sadness is a frequent visitor here in my room. And I love it.
A few hours ago, I learned a lot of things from -e—-. Marami siyang sinabi sa akin tungkol sa isang problemang matagal na akong dinadalaw sa panaginip. Tungkol yun kay —e-. At the same period of time, I noticed something in Arnold. These two things made me sadder these past few days. That’s why I put them in Reminders list in my To do list.
Whenever I’m in front of my pc, I remember a lot of things that had happened to me. Things and experiences that shaped me to be more sensitive than I ever was, more stubborn than anyone in the family and to ignore all people who don’t understand me. Though I love Paulo, my pc’s name, so much ’cause he’s the only thing that understands me. There’s Pampy also, my fluffy teddy bear with chocolate colored ribbon on his neck, his’ shoulders are the one I can cry on, 24/7. I must not forget my papers, pencils, gel ink pens and erasers who read all of my thoughts and feelings whenever Paulo’s offline or when dsl and meralco abandon us.
The first problem started at unknown time and unknown place. It was just these past few days I noticed that —e- treats me differently. She started to ignore me. She refrains from talking to me. —e- is a member of the family and she acts towards me as if I’m not a member too. It’s like I’m invisible. I don’t mind these things ’cause she’s always treating me like that whenever she’s mad at me for no apparent and reasonable reason at all. Last night, after I took a bath my mom entered the bathroom to pee and told me that —e- said that I don’t want her to use Paulo to type her so many projects (according to my mom). She added that ——a too did her project yesterday in a pc rental shop near her school. At first I didn’t mind since they haven’t even told me about all their projects and didn’t even bother approach me regarding such things. But as I stepped to the fourth step upstairs, I suddenly felt anger inside me and answered to my mom by shouting at her, of which I know is very wrong. The defensive side of mine appeared and I said,
“Eh wala naman silang sinasabi sa kin eh!”
“Susumbong sumbong sayo, mali mali naman!”
*To be continued*
